North of the 400

North of Toronto, South of a championship

Strictly Classified

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Maybe it’s just me – and I’m sure it is – but I’ve always been a fan of the classified section of the newspaper. People selling items, all summarily described, to complete strangers. Great buys and items you may not see anywhere else. And a lot of junk.

Anyway, I recently clipped a few items that I felt needed to be shared – maybe somebody out there can make an offer, or two.

WANTED: “Are you an Argo-nut who can throw the ball? We’re looking for you! Must bring own helmet, shoulder pads – balls and recivers will be supplied. No Vicks. Call M. Clemens, KL5-0901”

FOR SALE: “Give this Priest a Home. One Running back, hardly used since 2005, some minor upper damage, 1500 yard potential. Must pay shipping, health insurance. Call H. Edwards, KC9-2121”

FOR SALE: “Duck seeks new pond. Goaltender, like new, great potential. Doesn’t speak English, must supply own translator/mask. MUST SELL. B. Berke, AN9-0011”

WANTED: “Gamble on us! Does your TV station have a hole to fill? Is poker too boring for your viewers? Do you remember a guy named Gretzky? Take a chance on us ! Call us today! G. Bettman, NH3-09123”

PERSONAL: “Are you down tonight? Do you need a clutch tray, a buzzer-beating jumpshot? Or is Spike Lee not excited enough anymore? Give me a call – I’ll be waiting! R. Miller – IN3-9943”

FOR SALE: “One dog ‘mating’ stand. Barely used. Serious inquires only. M. Vick, LS7-0909

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Written by M.

August 26, 2007 at 5:17 pm

Posted in basketball, football, Hockey, NBA, NFL, nhl

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