North of the 400

North of Toronto, South of a championship

Palmeiro’s dance

with 2 comments

Well, The Dance of Mr. Palmeiro has taken a new step – now, not only did he not intentionally take steroids, but it was only Vitamin B12 (that’s right, the very same vitamin that you find in fish, chicken and the like). And he named his supplier, to boot: Miguel Tejada. Miguel, of course, denies these almost-slanderous claims. To wit: “Right now I’m in shock…It doesn’t bother me because I’m not guilty. I’ve done nothing wrong. I just gave him B-12, and B-12 is legal…”.

So, then, just how did Palmeiro get those “horrible” steroids, the same kind of horse tranquilizer that Ben Johnson tested positive for in the 1988 Olympics, into his system? Was it on the tail end of an alcohol and amphetamine binge in the middle of the season, after the Orioles pulled close to the Red Sox for the lead in the AL East? They were almost on top of the league then, with Mr. Palmeiro closing in on hit number 3000 and almost assured the spot of either the AL East or, failing that, the AL Wild Card. But then, after their star player tested positive for a drug used to tame wild horses, it all went downhill – they’re even below the lowly Toronto Blue Jays now, 12 games below .500, 20 games out of the AL East title, 20 and a half out of the Wild Card. It’s been a huge collapse, even worse then the Kansas City Royals, worse then the Toronto Blue Jays, worse then the Washington Nationals. And now Mr. Palmeiro has danced his last dance in Baltimore.

After hearing reports that Mr. Palmeiro had fingered a member of the Orioles,

“interim manager Sam Perlozzo said that if the first baseman had named a teammate in trying to explain his steroid test, it probably would be best that Palmeiro not return to the team this year.

“If in fact that was true, then it probably would not be a good idea” for Palmeiro to return, Perlozzo said. “It’s all speculation as far as I know.” (

So, now what? Palmeiro is damaged goods. No team, not even a A-level minor league team in Mexico, would touch him now. He is done, finished, as a baseball player. There is a better chance of Pete Rose suiting up to play for the Reds next year then there is a chance of Palmeiro playing in Baltimore. He has sunk them, sent them on a course of despair and sorrow as they sink to the bottom on the AL East and the ranks of Major League Baseball.

But, what does this mean to the common person? Does this mean anything? Oh yes, sir, it does not. It is a valuable lesson to teach yr children (indeed, I expect to see this retold in pictures as a children’s book in the near future): Never get caught, and when you do get caught (for you will, eventually) never, never, blame it on somebody else. You will made out as a fool, a loser and as an idiot. You will have the stench of Loser on yr back, and you will never get it off. Never.

Just ask Pete Rose. Or Ben Johnson. Or Mike Tyson. Or OJ Simpson. Or, starting next year, Mr. Ralph Palmeiro.



Written by M.

September 23, 2005 at 1:12 am

Posted in baseball, MLB

2 Responses

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